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WHAT IS THE GOAL OF DEATH AWARENESS / Dec. 13, 2023.

The overall aims of death awareness are to promote the quality of life and living and to educate and empower people with proper information. This is accomplished through new and expanded knowledge and changes in attitudes and behaviour. This should be the first goal of funeral service to the public and the funeral home should be an advocate for it.
– Rutherford Cremation & Funeral Services

PROCEDURES WHEN A DEATH OCCURS
Whether a death is sudden or expected, the loss of someone you love is indescribable and certainly the emotions are varied. When one is in a heightened emotional state, even the most basic decisions can seem staggering. The following is provided to guide you through the immediate hours following a death.

WHEN A DEATH OCCURS AT HOME
If someone is under hospice care at home and the death was expected, contact the hospice representative, and they will notify the family members of what the proper procedures are. Thankfully, the ability to remain at home prior to dying is becoming more common and supportive and if you find yourself in this situation, please know that at the time of the death, there is no cause for panic in the midst of your sadness. This is a unique time for reflection and to regroup. It is perfectly acceptable to take the time needed before calls are made. Nothing concerning the body of the deceased will change within the space of an hour or even overnight. The funeral home may be called to come at the time you are ready.

WHEN A DEATH OCCURS AT A LONG-TERM CARE HOME / HOSPITAL / HOSPICE FACILITY
The staff of a care facility such as a hospital, nursing home or hospice will often notify you prior to a death occurring. They will ask you if a funeral home has been notified. Often, they will ask this question upon the intake of an individual and the funeral home will be notified at the time of passing. If you are present when the funeral director arrives, they will ask a few questions about the deceased's wishes and set up a time to make arrangements with you. If you are not present, the funeral home will contact you by telephone at a later time.

INFORMING A FUNERAL HOME
A funeral home may be informed about a potential death prior to it occurring. In fact, it is common and preferable to call the funeral home to get things in order. It is beforehand that the best decisions are made and the funeral director can certainly provide all the options and information you would need.

MEETING WITH A FUNERAL DIRECTOR BY PHONE, EMAIL OR IN PERSON.
I cannot speak for other funeral homes, but if you have already made a connection with Rutherford Cremation & Funeral Services, chances are you have been told of the important questions that need to be answered when a death occurs. The answers to those questions will allow the director to complete the proper government paperwork on your behalf and create the Proof of Death certificates you will need for estate affairs afterward. At Rutherford Cremation & Funeral Services arrangements may be made in the comfort of your own home, through email, or at the funeral home. There are some people who simply don't want to come into a funeral home or are unable to do so.

THE QUESTIONS
As a convenience, the important questions that need to be answered concerning the one who has died are:
1. What is the deceased's full and proper name? (And maiden name if applicable)
2. What is the deceased's full address?
3. What is the deceased's birthdate?
4. What is the deceased's birthplace?
5. What is the deceased's SIN # (Social Insurance Number)?
6. What is the deceased's health card number?
7. What is the deceased's father's name?
8. What is the deceased's father's birthplace
9. What is the deceased's mother's name (and maiden name)?
10. What is the deceased's mother's birthplace?
11. What was the deceased's occupation? In what field of work? (Please do not list “retired." It should be a job that they paid into CPP through an employer.)
12. What is the deceased's marital status?
13. What is the deceased spouse's or common-law partner's full and proper name? (Even if divorced or deceased) Also, maiden name (if applicable).
14. What is the deceased spouse's or common-law partner's SIN#? Date of birth? Place of birth? (IF LIVING)
15. Is there a will? (IF THE ANSWER IS “NO" - PLEASE GO TO QUESTION # 18
16. What is the full and proper name of the executor(s) of the will? (If there is more than one executor, please list all executors. What is their relationship to the deceased?
Note: Please do not list the people who WOULD be executors, if the executor is unwilling or unable. Please note, that people who are “Power of Attorney" are not necessarily the executor of the will.
17. What is/are the executor's full address(es), email(s) and phone number(s).
18. What is the NEXT OF KIN'S contact information? (name/address/phone/email)
19. What is the Next of Kin's relationship to the deceased.
20. Who will be signing the necessary paperwork to carry out the arrangements and what is their relationship to the deceased.
21. Are there children of the deceased who are under 25 years of age and attending school full-time?

NOTE: There is a one-time lump sum death benefit of $2500 that is available and the funeral home will apply for this on your behalf. It depends upon the deceased having worked and having paid into the CPP (Canada Pension Plan) through an employer.
If there is a spouse of the deceased who is living, the funeral home will ask you to please bring in the marriage certificate, in order to apply for a spousal support benefit.
We hope this has been informative.

UNTIL SOON. LIVE WELL.

TO GET HERE (for a friend who is not yet a ghost)

There is no life that ever follows the plan we set out for ourselves. I read these lines in a book entitled “In A Strange Room" by Damon Galgut: “Maybe when two people meet for the first time, all the possible variations on destiny are contained in their separate natures. These two will be drawn together, those two will be repulsed, most will pass politely with averted gaze and hurry on alone."

It struck me, after many deaths of friend and family, after two marriages, the blessing of a beautiful, intelligent and compassionate daughter and a current relationship with a partner that blossoms in a space without demands – it sometimes feels like it took a lifetime to get here. Where is that? Well, the obvious answer – where I am. And most regularly I ponder where I am to see if where I am is where I want to be. There are constants that are absolutely necessary for me. Just like you have your own constants. The essentials. They are: having time for creativity, giving and receiving love in the relationship I'm in, and serving others. Those are mine.

These are the things that have been a part of my human fibre from the start, at a very young age and without my even realizing it; before the demands and the multitude of directions available to me led me along sometimes bountiful, sometimes bleak, but always valuable pathways.

And along all of the trajectories of my life and the people in it, I have been very aware of two powerful truths: ONE – I wanted to maintain the essentials I needed for my life to be happy and TWO – I had a choice in the matter of whether I walked or didn't walk down the pathways laid out in front of me. Those two truths have kept my life moving forward through pain and hardship, joy and gratitude, marriage and divorce. At this point in time, I could very much look back on parts of it and say, “this was a wrong decision" or “that was a failure," but that would be untrue. I chose each and every pathway based upon one or more of those essentials I needed. I imagined that walking down this particular road at this particular time would give me one of those elements that makes me thrive. And they all did, at least for a time.

I don't regret any of those directions. In most cases I recognize the joy and the pain that I have given and certainly the joy and the pain I have received; much of it, while each of us wrestled trying to maintain our own “essentials" in the manner in which we needed them. It's in recognizing this pure and simple fact of our own choice and our ability to change it, that shows us the grace in our lifetimes and gives us the ability to apologize and forgive ourselves and others equally.

Our so-called “dying" is inevitable. But our daily living need not be a slow bloodletting of our essential soul. Stay true. Stay open. Change when needed. We're not approaching any new life, we're already in it. What we are trying to do is make it the kind of life we want. Those essentials we need. That doesn't mean there's no sacrifice, but it certainly means each and every one of us is deserving of taking part in our own life's creation.

So, if there's a huge emotion welling up in the throat now and if it starts to seem unbearable; If the face in the mirror is of somebody you don't recognize, who died a long time ago – move into yourself again friend. Like a child who wants what it instinctively knows it needs and walks towards it. You didn't ask for your world to crack open. Something inside is changing and broke the shell. It is your task to make sure it is genuine, so that you might use the world that crumbles, the pain of transition as foundation to rebuild anew.

To get there you need not see yourself in any new life at all right now. A new house, a new partner, a new job. First, you must see yourself in an open field, emptied, somewhere nearby soul, and feel the rain drench you to the bone.

UNTIL SOON. LIVE WELL.

THE DOER AND THE DOING

At the beginning of modern time measurement – was the clockmaker aware of how much time it took to build a clock? For those of us who work and are aware of the larger realm beyond the thing in which we partake, like the clockmaker who works within the realm of time, “creating" it while simultaneously living within it – we are perhaps cognizant of our actions on a level not necessarily thought about by others.

Other examples might be the manufacturer that makes the product which they themselves use, the player on stage who acts out a life similar or dissimilar to their own, the surgeon who saves a life in the operating room while recognizing that they may not rise from some scheduled operation themselves, or the funeral director that delves into all the elements of dying, without actually doing it – knowing it will come one day.

These examples might speak to a depth of involvement wherein the doer is acutely aware of the doing. The presence of such a fact can be a sobering experience at times. For myself, that experience would be informing and serving the public that grieves. I have grieved, as have you perhaps. The difference between us is that you may not have sat with countless individuals who reminisce about someone who shaped them, you may not have risen at 3 in the morning and sauntered out into the pre-dawn darkness to meet at a home with police and family over a tragedy, you may not have been idling at a red light with a body in the rear of a transfer van, a stranger in a car next to you completely unaware, waiting for the light to turn green.

In many scenarios there are people who work in fields that have made them glaringly present to what thing is being done that is largely on the fringes of a society's thoughts.

But despite the nature of any employment or any happening, all of us play and work in a world where there are gifts that are indiscernible, unless one watches for them in others or feels them manifest in oneself. To someone who moves through their day unaware of others: what others might think, what others might feel, what they might be going through – they may lose the gift that arises in the moment. Yet, it never leaves. It's the gift of making a difference for someone. And that gift is not exclusive. It might be large or it might be small. As simple as a smile or as gracious as paying for someone else's meal.

Having a partner who works in our theatres, I see that, despite its trials and personal struggles, the theatre is a family. Having seen it now countless times; how those within the theatre support one another, do what they can to make the product better, take stock in each other's lives. Aware of the tireless work and the dedication required to create each year, the gifts theatre gives to this city are amplified for me. That is not to say that any manufacturing job or retail store or restaurant does not do the same. They do, in a different way, in a different capacity. But whatever the employ, there should be awareness of what it gives, gratitude in the giving and support from within it, working towards a common good. It's heartwarming. And when I see that effort, whether in a theatre, a local store, service or restaurant, I feel a desire to expand it outward. There is a sense that the people of the city of Stratford make it what it is when we act our lives out onto its sidewalks and streets.

So, when something seen or done, warm and welcoming or cold and alienating spills its lesson into the consciousness of a citizen, there is always a choice somewhere in our interpretation of it. Most often it's a choice between service or selfishness, hatred or love. And like the larger choice made by governments for its people, there is a more important choice made by us for our soulful selves within the 24 hours of any day. We give, we keep, or we take away.

When I decided to convert tragic news that I cannot control into deeds that I can, delete negative messages and hurtful conclusions without any basis and translate them into positive example, not only am I all the happier for it, but I begin to see others I hadn't noticed before, doing the same. Do not despair when there is a happening or a deed that hurts but do not sit back complacent and proud when there is not. As humans, as world citizens, our superpowers are to make something good happen, to wisely interpret what has happened or is happening and to empathize how we would feel if it were happening to us – and then move to make a difference.

UNTIL SOON. LIVE WELL.

INFORMATION ABOUT CEMETERIES & BURIAL

“Burial" is a word that refers to full body burial, the burial of cremated remains or remains from an aquamation. Another term for burial is “interment." There are things that you should know when dealing with a cemetery, before their services are needed.

Read more: https://www.jarfh.com/information-about-cemeteries-amp-burial

What is the goal of death awareness?
The overall aims of death awareness are to promote the quality of life and living and to educate and empower people with proper information. This is accomplished through new or expanded knowledge and changes in attitudes and behaviour. This should be the first goal of funeral service and the funeral home should be an advocate for it.

CONTAINMENTS

Oh – the fantasies of childhood. Sometimes, not so warm and comforting.
As a young boy, the first books I ever read were science fiction novels from my parents' extensive collection. One in particular, about an existence where people lived under a gigantic dome due to the pollution outside of it, stayed with me and began to haunt my thoughts. The notion that “outside" may not really be outside began to seep in as light through a pinhole – sparking thoughts of our universe, arbitrary ideas about time and space and the confines of neighbourhood, country, continent, planet. I began to wonder: how do we really know if we're outside? Does simply leaving the house entail all it means to be “out?" And if anyone could be outside of the “out-of-doors," would that be what some would reflect on as God? Maybe we're all simply under a dome as in that novel. On a cosmic table whereupon someone need merely raise the platter up to the stars and lift the lid for us all to be free.
This thought of “outside" and where it is, entangled itself into my notion of freedom somehow, and in adolescent wonderings, started threading its way into observations of what humanity does to itself. It was a feeling at first. Maybe from a sense of wrongdoing. A remembrance of a hurt I inflicted upon another or vice-versa. In a word, I began to recognize the many ways in which we place ourselves in confinement. Through hatred. Through wealth. Through decisions and into situations that didn't have to be. And from that, I caught glimpses of escape through the realization of a growing insinuation of energy from everyone around me, all of us tied to the same core – hearts beating in and out of rhythm, but still from the same source. Life. Something akin to freedom at those rare times when you feel its majestic force.
And I knew I could be free in my own life, despite all the trappings of society. The laws. The rules. The appropriate behaviours. But I didn't know how, and I couldn't explain why I knew that.
And while adolescence was a wild ride of hormones and discovery and angst, there were the invisible forces of family to contain the soul when the will dared stretch out into the world beyond; yawn out the comforting safety of home and breathe in the dangerous electrified air outside, somewhere beyond neighbourhood. And some of us did. As bold as we believed ourselves to be, we ventured, far as we dared. And there was some kind of freedom in that. And there was joy. And there was rebellion. And there was one – one dear one to me – a friend, who I could not speak of then, who never made it out of adolescence alive.
I stitched him into the sinews of my own threadbare safety net and said to myself “look... this far and no further, lest you die too." And I cried alone for a long time where no one could find me. And for many years after, I held my breath.
And as I grew, the desire for freedom outside turned to the desire for peace inside. And the containments of family and home emptied themselves of gravity, loosened their grip, became light. The need to discover new worlds then, turned inward where all things begin, all thoughts are watered and all seeds sprout.
And then I saw clearly... at the beginning of time “I" was not. But at birth, I was. Just as you. Something from nothing? No. Not nothing. A thought perhaps from something beyond me. An action. A reaction. A flicker of light that turned possibility to certainty. That life force again. Something like liberty, except now I recognize it as being inside of me. Inside my mind. And I'm thinking about it and allowing it to form itself into words I understand that I could not fully know in my youth – the words “love" and “freedom."
And what do I do with the words after not really understanding the spaciousness of them within me for so long? After all of the hurts, all the escapes and all the confinements thus far – I give them gently to myself as I would give them to you. I let them live. I live them out into the world as I live out into it. All of us together. And finally, miraculously, I sense the truth of us all and begin to breathe again.
UNTIL SOON. LIVE WELL.